In this edition of Stories of Addiction Recovery, Brianna opens up about her experience as a highly functioning alcoholic and how she got her life back through treatment and sobriety.
I didn’t know I had a problem because I was functional.
I didn’t know that I had a problem. I thought that I was a social drinker. Until it got to the point where I was drinking almost every day. I used my career in healthcare as an excuse where I thought, “Well if I’m helping other people, I’m ok”. I can continue to function, go to work, and then I can leave work, and I can drink.
I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
I’d have my scrubs on, and here I am; I can help you, but I can’t help myself. It was an everyday thing, putting anything into my body to get outside myself. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
I knew I needed help but didn’t know where to begin.
I had gone to a facility, and they had made a couple of phone calls. This was the first place that they called (Granite Recovery Centers). They brought me here a couple of days later, and I didn’t know what I was signing myself up for because I was so used to constantly taking care of other people. That was my life, and here I am in a van going to the mountain (Green Mountain Treatment Center), not knowing what I’m setting myself up for. Little do I know my life is about to change dramatically and for the better.
They picked me up and put me back together
It was the most intense experience of my life, but it was the most amazing experience because they just picked me apart and put me back together. I walked out of there and took a breath of fresh air, which is the only way I can put it. There were things that I was just blocking out before. Now, I take pictures of the sunset. Before, I didn’t even want to see the light. I look at trees, and they’re so beautiful to me. It’s crazy. All those things I was missing before. Recovery has taught me that in any situation that I get put in, I don’t need a substance to calm me down, to make me feel ok. I can be ok just being me. I can be ok being uncomfortable because that’s life. It’s a beautiful thing that I can do that without a drink.
Watch Brianna’s Addiction Recovery Story:If you or a loved one is struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction, please call our helpline at 855.712.7784 . We can help.