Achieving sustained recovery from drugs or alcohol can often be an upward battle, one that is so much more than asking for help and getting it at drug rehab. The path is always challenging, and sometimes, heartbreaking–but always, always rewarding and life-making. Here is one such story of addiction recovery from Samantha (and her mom, Laurie), our own amazing admissions specialist, our own recovered GRC alumni.
I always wanted to be a mom, a good mom
Sam: Having a family of my own was something that I always wanted. I grew up in a broken home. My father wasn’t part of my life. And while, I put no blame on him for being the person he was, I wanted more than he had given me. I wanted stability more than anything. I saw how hard my mom fought for us three kids growing up and I knew that I wanted to be a really good mom, like her. But, then, the next thing I knew, I was grown up, and I was involved in crack smoking on a daily basis. I didn’t realize at that point in my life that I had an addiction.
Laurie: In the early part of Samantha’s addiction, she became pregnant.
Sam: I was still actively using here and there. And then, two weeks prior to my appointment, my baby passed. It was pretty painful, when I found out I had miscarried.
Laurie: Trying to help her see her way through that was hard, because her life was not where it needed to be (to be ready for a baby). I think deep down she truly knew that she really wasn’t deserving of a baby at that particular point because of the drug use, and she accepted that.
I finally came to the realization that I needed help
Sam: For years, I was either picking up heroin or suboxone to feel better. I finally came to the realization that I needed help. I asked my mom for help. She knew something was going on; I was just a complete mess. Going into treatment ultimately gave me that firm foundation that I needed.
And two months later…
Sam: My sobriety date was October 29th, 2013 and two months later, I found out I was pregnant again, with Kloe.
Laurie: We went for her very first ultrasound; we could hear Kloe’s heartbeat. Everything sounded very good.
Sam: I felt her kicking.
Sam: I remember later on, going to an ultrasound, going in to find out the gender of our baby. I knew something was different. I knew when that second doctor came in, something’s really off here. Two doctors don’t usually come in during an ultrasound unless there’s something going on.
Laurie: They explained to her that the condition that Kloe had was…
Sam: Anencephaly, which is a very rare condition that happens.
Laurie: The life expectancy would have been seven days tops.
The doctor said, “You have two options”
Sam: The doctor said, “you have two options: you can either have an abortion or you can go into labor”. For me, having an abortion at that point in my pregnancy was not an option. I had just found out I was having a little girl, that’s what I had always dreamed of.
Laurie: She decided to be induced and give birth to her early.
Sam: Within 24 hours of being induced, I had Kloe.
Laurie: She took two very peaceful breaths and that was that. All I can remember is Sam crying, saying that she had her piano fingers, and what a beautiful button nose she had.
I took a lot of time to heal…months… years
Sam: I took a lot of time to heal.. months.. years… for me, it was a large lesson to not to try to have so much control over my life and take things as they go.
Laurie: Through that time, we focused on just wrapping our love around Samantha.
Sam: After the first one, and then after Kloe, I thought, “is there something wrong with me? Do I not deserve this?
But I didn’t give up wanting to be a mom.
But I didn’t give up wanting to be a mom. I knew that one day it would happen and in April (next month!), my fiance and I will be having a little baby boy named Giovanni.
Sam: Finding out that everything is ok- it’s made me feel whole.
Laurie: This has been the moment that I waited for her, for a very long time. He’s going to bring so much joy to her world.
Sam: He has no idea how significant his life is already.
Laurie: …and your dream is going to be fulfilled too; you’re going to be a mom.
Sam: I definitely think that Kloe was placed into my life to make me appreciate my birth with Gio that much more, so that I can be the best mom, the mom that I always wanted to be.
Watch the the video: