In this edition of Stories of Addiction Recovery, Brianna opens up about her experience as a highly functioning alcoholic, and how she got her life back through treatment and sobriety.
I didn’t know that I had a problem, because I was functional
I didn’t know that I had a problem. I thought that I was a social drinker. Until it got to the point where I was drinking every day almost. I used my career in healthcare as an excuse where I thought, “well, if I’m helping other people, I’m ok”. I can continue to function, go to work, and then I can leave work and I can drink.
I didn’t even know who I was anymore
I’d have my scrubs on, and here I am, I can help you but I can’t help myself. It was an every day, putting anything into my body to get outside of myself. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I knew I needed help, but I didn’t know where to begin. I had gone to a facility and they had made a couple phone calls. This was the first place that they called (Granite Recovery Centers). They brought me here a couple days later and I didn’t know what I was signing myself up for, because I was so used to constantly taking care of other people. That was my life, and here I am in a van going to the mountain (Green Mountain Treatment Center), and not knowing what I’m setting myself up for. Little do I know my life is about to change dramatically and for the better.
They picked me up and put me back together
It was the most intense experience of my life, but it was the most amazing experience because they just picked me apart and put me back together. I walked out of there and took a breath of fresh air, is the only way I can put it. There’s things that I was just blocking out before. Now, I take pictures of the sunset. Before, I didn’t even want to see the light. I look at trees and they’re so beautiful to me. It’s crazy. All those things I was missing before. Recovery has taught me that in any situation that I get put in, I don’t need a substance to calm me down, to make me feel ok. I can be ok just being me. I can be ok being uncomfortable, because that’s life. It’s a beautiful thing that I can do that without a drink.
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